STD: Special DATE (Doctors) UNIT

​Scott and I had a date yesterday. At the doctor’s office. We sat impatiently in uncomfortable chairs waiting to find out the results of a whole slew of tests I had done to detect STDs. Looking around the sterile room, I noticed a lack of Highlights magazines but then again, it’s a family healthcare center. We clearly got the room reserved for adults on dates.
 
I admit, it’s not really my favorite date we’ve ever been on, but he held my hand as we thumbed through pamphlets of diseases we don’t have but thought we could have in the future and one brochure about how to detect colon cancer.  Did you know you can mail #2 in a box? You can. 
 
Sorry…STDs.  I need to stay on track.  Where was I? Oh yeah, so it turns out that sometime between my last Pap test in 2014 and now, Mr. HPV has become part of my DNA. Not only do I have HPV, but I have lesions on my cervix that will need to be taken care of so they don’t make their way to full-blown cancer.  I know I’ll be OK but boy is it a real kick in the gut to realize that most likely, according to my doctor, it’s a sexually transmitted disease I likely contracted two to three years ago (although it can lie dormant in your body for up to 20 years), given the state of the abnormal tissue growth. Apparently, cervical cancer is slow growing and I’m at the mid-way point.  I’m very grateful for Pap tests every three years even though I hate them.
 
So what does all of this mean?
 

• Um, first of all, make sure you can trust your partners. Not just assume because they SAY they are STD-free, that they really are free and clear. I never thought I’d be dealing with this at age 44 but that’s what happened when I didn’t put my health first and was with a new partner I blindly trusted. The results could have been so much worse and I think that's what I've truly come to realize here.  I didn't do what we preach to our children about doing. Testing. Protection. The whole nine yards. And I could have paid a dear, dear price for it. I'm lucky.
  
  
• Secondly, my husband is freakin’ amazing.  To deal with everything he’s dealt with over the past three years and say, “hon, we’re in this together,” is just beyond epic. To quote his 75-year-old uncle, in all his years he's never seen anyone manifest such grace, compassion, and forgiveness as he's seen in Scott. I agree one thousand percent. 
  
  
• Lastly, I realized I haven’t really addressed something that isn’t talked about very much among sexual abuse survivors. I have A REALLY HARD TIME with gynecological appointments.  Anyone else?  It took me forever to make the appointment to get tested. I’ve never done well at these for as long as I can remember.  I’m talking panic attacks, passing out, and having to request the smallest speculum on the planet. I’m hoping as I continue to heal from the abuse I suffered as a kid, it won’t be that way every time.  I will admit for this next appointment, where the doc will be doing some very invasive, painful work, I will be asking all my friends if anyone has a spare Xanax. Also, thank god for husbands who go with you and hold your hand and make you laugh while you’re in the most vulnerable position ever.

 
 
And if I’m lucky, we’ll get the adult “date” room at the doctor’s office again. Dinner and a cervical surgery doesn’t have the same ring as dinner and a movie, does it??! :)