Thank you, Julie, for sharing this video story with me. Aside from the near-death experience, Stephanie's story is so relatable to me. I couldn't understand why I was suddently getting messages I didn't understand and seeing spirit I didn't know at the age of 36. It was truly mind-bending for a very scientifically-minded person like myself. I don't know everything (or anything, really) but I do know what I experienced, and there is so much more to life than what we see with our eyes.  If you haven't read my story or the story of the first child in spirit that came to me to pass messages to his parents, you can find them here (My Story) and here (Nate's Story).

Stephanie Arnold shares her story below.

"When Stephanie Arnold went to the hospital for an emergency C-section, she predicted she would die. And she was right: she flatlined for 37 seconds. She tells Megyn Kelly that should could see what was happening in the OR and elsewhere during her near-death experience, and says she continues to have premonitions today. “I fought; It was not comfortable.”
​

I wrote a blog post yesterday about how to spot a wolf in sheep's clothing.  

And I received this email (below) this morning.  Thank you to the woman who wrote in. I'm so sorry you endured what you did and I sincerely hope knowing you're not alone helps.  If my math is correct, you are the 8th woman to write to me with a similar story, with scanned documents and screenshots galore. 

I smudged out the name on the email but she did provide that information on the web form.

This kind of predatory BS has to STOP and the only way it will stop is if women around the globe are open about what they endured, and the men face their truth. Thank you, again, to all the brave women who have written in.  I know it's not easy.  I know it's embarrasing—falling for the facade is a hard thing to admit. 

We aren't stupid.  We are caring, trusting individuals who trusted an untrustworthy man.  Period. He used to talk about walking in truth all the time.  Well, here's one more example of truth about one known predator that has negatively touched the lives of more women (and their families) than I can count.  Truth walked. 
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December 10, 2017

I was chatting with a loved one yesterday who has struggled with abuse in her life, and I asked if she was able to get out to her therapeutic sessions to which she responded no, not lately. Then she said something that touched my heart. “Have to say, reading your messages on Facebook has helped me a lot.”
 
I haven’t written as much lately but I have been listening to others and making sense of so much I couldn’t make sense of before.  I’m seeing the patterns.  The women who are writing in—sharing their similar stories both with the same man I was with and with others— is truly healing.
 
A few things have come to mind recently. I have said in previous posts that I hadn’t really met anyone like my ex before, but when I really went deep, that’s not true.  I just didn’t recognize him as the carbon copy of a man who was married to a dear friend.  Years ago, I helped her get out of the abusive marriage she was stuck in by finding a way to employ her through my furniture company. It worked—she was able to get out. She’s an amazing person and has truly been a godsend to me over the past three years.  If anyone could relate to what I was experiencing, it was my beautiful, soulful friend who had endured years and years of abuse.
 
She, and others writing in, confirmed a lot of the patterns I was finally recognizing as part of their handbook.  I want to share a few of them as sort of a “how to spot a narcissistic douchebag even when they seem otherwise” list.  I don’t think I can hashtag that title, can I?
 
Here goes….
 
Each woman described the same tactics, ploys, and motives. To illustrate that, I've included excerpts from messages I’ve received just about my ex. These all came to me online or via email with specific IP addresses attached from all over the world.  Some women gave their names and others were too scared to reveal who they are. Look at the similarities in the language and stories.
 
“I too am a victim of his abuse like you were. He just stole from me with the same promises he said to others. I am ashamed that when I was so vulnerable he got me to sleep with him. (my own fault) and also convinced me to lend him money. I have been reading your blog and you are truly a hero to all of us that have been deceived by this monster…......He disgusts me and I feel so stupid for falling for his BS. Karma as you have described seems to be waiting way too long to take effect. I know I should forget and forgive but its just so hard. By your posts, you help ease my pain and the pain of so many others. As the tears are running down my face, thank you for all that you have done to stop this inhuman human. Your friend in spirit xxx.”
 
“He’s trashing you and your reputation just like he did to me. I’m weak, you're strong. His lies must be stopped.”
 
“I wish I would have reached out a long time ago about him and what he did to me but I was sure you wouldn't believe me. In a weird way you were that girl you were writing about. I didn't want to seem bitter or jealous by telling you what a total scum he is. I believe all the women you write about! but I also believe that half the ones against you are made up by him. He made my life hell when I finally couldn't take it anymore. I was threatened and abused on line. its been a nightmare. Sad to say I was relieved when he moved on but I knew it would be only a matter of time. I don't know why you are so much stronger then most of us but keep it up. Every time you tell your story I feel like I get a little bit healthier and freer of his sadistic ways. Both physical and mental. So please continue to write your story and know that all of us caught in his web of deceit and lies are better off every time you do.”
 
“He told me you guys had an open relationship.”
 
“He told her (age 20 while he was age 47) that he and his wife had an open relationship when he was trying to get her to sleep with him.”
 
“He did play you. I was duped by him and didn't know about you. You also need to know about the 15-year-old girl he was screwing.(raping) while dating us. Do you remember him telling you he got mugged in Philly? That was the father beating him to an inch of his life. When I found out about that I couldn't run fast enough, he then rubbed you in my face and said he didn't need me. He had his soul mate. Thank God for that. Peace and good luck."
 
“He swept me off my feet with constant texting and messaging of love notes, songs, he called me “baby,” he offered tantric massage.  Then after he got what he wanted, he ditched me and blocked me on social media."
 
“I lent him more than I care to admit. I also know he ripped off a couple for tens of thousands. I don't know how many more but I'm surprised he's not dead. And the lies and BS. I don't believe a word he says. I wish I had the courage to warn you. I saw how much you trusted him. You were both so open about your relationship. I could tell you were sincere and I knew it was a matter of time. I can’t believe you survived all those years.”
 
Do you see the patterns? Here’s what I put together as a list of what to look for if you suspect someone might be a narcissistic abuser….

• Love bombing – The first stage is where they sweep you off your feet with the same messages, songs, and tactics they used on everyone else.  They will even use the same language like TNF, meaning “Love you Then, Now, and Forever.”  In this case, he even used it in a dating site handle while he was telling me he loved me and secretly soliciting other women. HisnameTNF.  So bizarre.  Also, the relationship will develop very quickly. Phrases such as: soulmate, you make me a better man, no one has ever gotten me like you get me, you make me feel like a teenager again, will all be used to win you over.
  
  
• Ploy for money/support – This seems to be common, especially in the case of my ex.  Other women have said they felt used in other ways but basically, there was always a sob story and a need for support (financially or through other means) that surfaced pretty quickly.
  
  
• Projection – If he is saying things to you like, “I know you’re lying to me constantly and cheating on me,” know it’s the closest thing you’ll ever get to a confession.  They seem to project what THEY are doing onto you. 
  
  
• Lies – Many reported that their partners ultimately lied about most everything.  My ex has repeatedly claimed he was not cheating and did not cross lines when I’ve literally read scanned copies of transcripts where he was doing just that.  He lied about health issues, money, suicide attempts, and abuse he supposedly endured, to name a few.  The truth you thought you knew is never the real truth.
  
  
• Triangulation – This was really confusing to me at first.  This is where they bring up other women constantly.  As in, “Did you see all those comments on FB from so and so?  She’s really crushing on me.”  This is a ploy to invoke jealousy therefore making them look like they could be snapped at any moment, upping their value.  I’ve never been a jealous person and I believed that he loved me so we fought about this very thing a lot because I wouldn’t react to him the way he wanted me to react. This is a great article about the subject. https://freefromtoxic.com/2015/05/13/the-4-most-common-narc-sadistic-triangulation-tactics/
  
  
• Social media obsession – Many women talked about their partner’s obsession with social media.  And conversely, their ability to just shut people down and cut people out. They work hard to amass a very large number of friends and followers.  My first clue should have been the 5000 mostly female friends and followers, and mostly all interaction and comments are from women. You will see a huge turnover in friends as old friends who start to figure out the game will be blocked, and a whole new batch of friends move in.
  
  
• Controlling comments – After the love bombing stage is over, slight controlling statements rear their ugly head.  These range from interaction with other people (too much eye contact, wanting to control who you interact with) to comments about how you dress and how you conduct yourself.  It will feel like a 180 degree turn from what you felt in the beginning.
  
  
• Emotional and verbal abuse – This was super hard for me. After the love bombing stage, I spent much of the relationship in tears. No one falls in love with an abuser so it’s not until they know they have you hook, line, and sinker, that this type of abuse arises. To the outside world—because of their carefully crafted public persona—they will not look like they would be capable of such a thing.  But they are. You will be called crazy and narcissistic (remember, projection) when the union finally ends and they will claim they are the "victim," owning absolutely none of the responsibility for the demise of the relationship.