"But he seems so nice and caring?"
Yeah, well, so did Ted Bundy.
When will we collectively finally realize that some of the most abusive, predatory people in the world are simply playing a role for the masses even though they may seem "nice" on social media or in person? It's crazy to me to think that we, as a whole, STILL believe that the "bad guy" looks like a bad guy.
Now, with that said, I'm guilty of it, too. I have been known to judge a book by its cover despite the fact that my childhood abuser is good looking, charming, and funny. And my ex fits the same bill plus add a dash of Svengali.
Predators—both male and female—are the best actors in the world. Most are extremely likable with the uncanny ability to sniff out vulnerability and deep wounds in their prey. They are masters at pulling people into their circle.
Here are a few things I've learned about predators over the years:
So how do you know if you're dealing with a predator?
Pay attention to your gut feelings about a person and don't naively believe what they are sharing on social media or in person. Trust your intuition and the physical signs that help you recognize intuitive hits. The kick in the gut feeling is one of the biggest clues that someone is stealing your power/deceiving you. And if you venture into a relationship with someone who fits the bill, do your homework. Ask around and/or do a background check to ensure there are no restraining orders on the report.
Predators know what they're doing and how to do it—even if they look nice.
For more on the subject, check out: