Validation

This morning, I shared on social media what my friend Sara Sophia Eisenman wrote….
 
"You will very often have to give up your short-term gratification, validation, comforts and even "safety" to actualize what is being asked of you. You will have to go thru blind tunnels and terrifying vision quests. You will have to suffer mockery and attempted humiliation by total fools. You will have to have faith when there is little reason to. You will have to stretch beyond your capacity again and again. You will have to pull miracles out of thin air, and then learn to stand on them.
It will all seem daunting and impossible. You will wonder why you came.
But you will be so much more than fine.
You will soar.
You will be free.”
--Sara Sophia Eisenman
 
I read it three times.  Everything about what Sara wrote resonated with me on so many levels, especially given what I’m doing now and what I’ve been asked to do throughout my life. 
 
I kept fixating on the “validation” part, mainly because my ex used to throw that in my face all the time in a shameful way.  For example, if I channeled and shared something related to a case, and one of the detectives I work with sent "validation" saying that whatever it was helped provide evidential proof, he would say I relied too much on validation as a medium. In fact, his mantra or slogan is “no validation necessary” which makes sense given he seems pretty much entitled to do whatever he wants, no matter the cost or hurt to others. I’ve since learned that as just one of many women (and men) healing form narcissistic abuse, that this is really common.  And that, in the devaluation stage, they tend to do two things:  find your weaknesses and start picking away AND project onto you their vulnerabilities and insecurities.  According to the mental health professionals I know and love, if someone slaps “no validation necessary” on everything but the kitchen sink, they likely need some serious validation. 
 
With that said, there have been times I relied a lot on validation—most people pleasing people do. It’s something I learned early on as a childhood sexual abuse survivor and I think to some degree, because it’s just who I am. I’m someone who wants to be of service but I definitely had some boundary learning to do! I’m lucky that I was taught from an early age (by my awesome parents) that I was worthy and mattered in the world. I had a foundation of strength and clarity about myself that helped to balance the need for validation.
 
When I first started to channel messages from spirit, I was terrified and experienced first-hand what it felt like to not have means for validation.  I seriously thought I was losing my mind. It was something I recognized in my soul as a true calling but still, it’s much easier to be the mom/wife/entrepreneur who doesn’t talk to dead people.  I was not prepared for what I was being asked to do.
 
I had to do so many things without validation.  Like Sara said above, I was knee-deep in “blind tunnels and terrifying vision quests.” I had to make decisions to reach out to grieving parents and to law enforcement.  Many times, I was shaking in my boots! And did I mention the subject matter is not light?!?  It’s death.  Murder.  Kidnapping. Suicide. Miscarriage. Abortion. Gut wrenching stuff. Again, I pretty much felt paralyzed with fear all the time but I chose to trust my intuition and push through the fear.   When I went on Shark Tank, I felt the same fear to a lesser degree, but I dove in anyways.
 
When I started traveling down the road I did three years ago, I had to have faith it was the path I was supposed to take.  Looking back, I truly believe—despite the pain involved— it was exactly where I was supposed to be.  So many wonderful things have come out of it that I never would have predicted—healing and growth for both Scott and me, an opportunity to speak out against predatory abuse which has clearly been a constant theme in my life, and chance after chance to trust myself no matter how crazy I looked to some.
 
As Sara said, if we keep on keeping on, we will all be much more than fine.  As we’ve seen recently with the millions of voices speaking out against harassment and abuse with #metoo, I think we’re more than on our way.
 
We’re about to soar, my friends.  We’re about to be free.
 
*** Thank you, Sara, for always being so real, raw, and inspiring.  Follow Sara here:  thesacredfemme.com and www.facebook.com/sarasophiaeisenmasenman.