Thank you, Julie, for sharing this video story with me. Aside from the near-death experience, Stephanie's story is so relatable to me. I couldn't understand why I was suddently getting messages I didn't understand and seeing spirit I didn't know at the age of 36. It was truly mind-bending for a very scientifically-minded person like myself. I don't know everything (or anything, really) but I do know what I experienced, and there is so much more to life than what we see with our eyes. If you haven't read my story or the story of the first child in spirit that came to me to pass messages to his parents, you can find them here (My Story) and here (Nate's Story).
Stephanie Arnold shares her story below. "When Stephanie Arnold went to the hospital for an emergency C-section, she predicted she would die. And she was right: she flatlined for 37 seconds. She tells Megyn Kelly that should could see what was happening in the OR and elsewhere during her near-death experience, and says she continues to have premonitions today. “I fought; It was not comfortable.”
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I wrote a blog post yesterday about how to spot a wolf in sheep's clothing.
And I received this email (below) this morning. Thank you to the woman who wrote in. I'm so sorry you endured what you did and I sincerely hope knowing you're not alone helps. If my math is correct, you are the 8th woman to write to me with a similar story, with scanned documents and screenshots galore. I smudged out the name on the email but she did provide that information on the web form. This kind of predatory BS has to STOP and the only way it will stop is if women around the globe are open about what they endured, and the men face their truth. Thank you, again, to all the brave women who have written in. I know it's not easy. I know it's embarrasing—falling for the facade is a hard thing to admit. We aren't stupid. We are caring, trusting individuals who trusted an untrustworthy man. Period. He used to talk about walking in truth all the time. Well, here's one more example of truth about one known predator that has negatively touched the lives of more women (and their families) than I can count. Truth walked. December 10, 2017 I was chatting with a loved one yesterday who has struggled with abuse in her life, and I asked if she was able to get out to her therapeutic sessions to which she responded no, not lately. Then she said something that touched my heart. “Have to say, reading your messages on Facebook has helped me a lot.” I haven’t written as much lately but I have been listening to others and making sense of so much I couldn’t make sense of before. I’m seeing the patterns. The women who are writing in—sharing their similar stories both with the same man I was with and with others— is truly healing. A few things have come to mind recently. I have said in previous posts that I hadn’t really met anyone like my ex before, but when I really went deep, that’s not true. I just didn’t recognize him as the carbon copy of a man who was married to a dear friend. Years ago, I helped her get out of the abusive marriage she was stuck in by finding a way to employ her through my furniture company. It worked—she was able to get out. She’s an amazing person and has truly been a godsend to me over the past three years. If anyone could relate to what I was experiencing, it was my beautiful, soulful friend who had endured years and years of abuse. She, and others writing in, confirmed a lot of the patterns I was finally recognizing as part of their handbook. I want to share a few of them as sort of a “how to spot a narcissistic douchebag even when they seem otherwise” list. I don’t think I can hashtag that title, can I? Here goes…. Each woman described the same tactics, ploys, and motives. To illustrate that, I've included excerpts from messages I’ve received just about my ex. These all came to me online or via email with specific IP addresses attached from all over the world. Some women gave their names and others were too scared to reveal who they are. Look at the similarities in the language and stories. “I too am a victim of his abuse like you were. He just stole from me with the same promises he said to others. I am ashamed that when I was so vulnerable he got me to sleep with him. (my own fault) and also convinced me to lend him money. I have been reading your blog and you are truly a hero to all of us that have been deceived by this monster…......He disgusts me and I feel so stupid for falling for his BS. Karma as you have described seems to be waiting way too long to take effect. I know I should forget and forgive but its just so hard. By your posts, you help ease my pain and the pain of so many others. As the tears are running down my face, thank you for all that you have done to stop this inhuman human. Your friend in spirit xxx.” “He’s trashing you and your reputation just like he did to me. I’m weak, you're strong. His lies must be stopped.” “I wish I would have reached out a long time ago about him and what he did to me but I was sure you wouldn't believe me. In a weird way you were that girl you were writing about. I didn't want to seem bitter or jealous by telling you what a total scum he is. I believe all the women you write about! but I also believe that half the ones against you are made up by him. He made my life hell when I finally couldn't take it anymore. I was threatened and abused on line. its been a nightmare. Sad to say I was relieved when he moved on but I knew it would be only a matter of time. I don't know why you are so much stronger then most of us but keep it up. Every time you tell your story I feel like I get a little bit healthier and freer of his sadistic ways. Both physical and mental. So please continue to write your story and know that all of us caught in his web of deceit and lies are better off every time you do.” “He told me you guys had an open relationship.” “He told her (age 20 while he was age 47) that he and his wife had an open relationship when he was trying to get her to sleep with him.” “He did play you. I was duped by him and didn't know about you. You also need to know about the 15-year-old girl he was screwing.(raping) while dating us. Do you remember him telling you he got mugged in Philly? That was the father beating him to an inch of his life. When I found out about that I couldn't run fast enough, he then rubbed you in my face and said he didn't need me. He had his soul mate. Thank God for that. Peace and good luck." “He swept me off my feet with constant texting and messaging of love notes, songs, he called me “baby,” he offered tantric massage. Then after he got what he wanted, he ditched me and blocked me on social media." “I lent him more than I care to admit. I also know he ripped off a couple for tens of thousands. I don't know how many more but I'm surprised he's not dead. And the lies and BS. I don't believe a word he says. I wish I had the courage to warn you. I saw how much you trusted him. You were both so open about your relationship. I could tell you were sincere and I knew it was a matter of time. I can’t believe you survived all those years.” Do you see the patterns? Here’s what I put together as a list of what to look for if you suspect someone might be a narcissistic abuser….
I wrote a bit about the emotional rollercoaster I experienced while filing for and being granted a restraining order but I wanted to share a little more in hopes it will help the countless women I know in this position. I had no idea what to expect because I didn’t have any experience with the court system. I hope what I share below is helpful! Here are SIX THINGS I wish I’d known or I feel are important to know from the get-go…. Do you need a lawyer to file for an order of protection? What does it cost to file? No lawyer is needed, however; I did consult with law enforcement and one lawyer. It doesn’t cost anything monetarily to file. The forms were easily found online by looking up the Justice Court in our/your area. What kind of proof do you need to show? (This is my experience in Arizona https://www.allenlawaz.com/order-of-protection-arizona/.) In order to obtain an order of protection, the plaintiff must present the following to the court:
You will meet with the judge and a court reporter in a closed courtroom. You will be sworn in, etc, and it will take at least thirty minutes, from my experience. I wrote more about my experience in this blog; however, I will say I came to court armed with physical proof in the form of print outs of harassing emails to myself and co-workers, screenshots of online harassment at my place of work, and a police report from a domestic violence call. What were some key points made by the judge? The judge, in my case reiterated, that while this order is in place and protects me legally, that it truly does not protect me from domestic violence, if he chooses to come after me. He urged me to be aware at all times. What it DOES do is it makes it illegal for him to contact me in any way, shape, or form. If the defendant lives out of state (which mine does), you have to pay a process server to serve him the order of protection before it was considered active. It’s not cheap. I paid roughly $500 and that was a steal. If the defendant dodges the serving (does not answer the door, etc), then you might have to pay extra for the server to do surveillance to serve him when he is out and about. This is exactly what happened to me. What if the defendant doesn’t read the order? It is still active no matter if he reads it or not as long as he is served. According to the process server (who writes up an affidavit with photos of the defendant when he serves him), he must touch the envelope. In my case—and in the case of many others who are dealing with not-so-ethical folks—they will deny their identity. In my case, he threw the unopened envelope on the ground and denied his identity before driving off. He also denied his identity when Flagstaff PD called to make sure he knew the order was in effect. *Side note: The cop I was working with here in Flagstaff told me immediately that with these types of DV (Domestic Violence) cases, most of the time, the defendant will try to get around the system by sending some kind of message to the plaintiff. And sure enough, he did. He sent messages via fake Facebook profiles. I was able to trace the profiles back to him and provided the cops with the information. If the defendant violates the no-contact order of protection, then a warrant for his arrest is issued. Resources: https://www.allenlawaz.com/order-of-protection-arizona/ This morning, I wiped the sleep from my eyes, rolled over and picked up my phone. My usual routine. A text message was waiting for me from my beautiful, smart, amazing friend who was telling me about some major stuff happening in her divorce. She split from a man who has been horribly abusive and controlling for years. I’m beyond grateful that she’s found a way to escape and create a life of happiness and freedom. My heart swelled reading her messages. What I’m about to share next is NOT self-congratulations or self-promotion—I’m sure some could read it that way. It’s about women helping women. Survivors helping survivors. I told her how proud and happy I am but I’m also worried because I know how dangerous it can be to get out of an abusive relationship. She said, “It’s because of you I have the strength to do this. You have inspired me that I am better than this and worthy of love. I read every word you write.” I teared up when I read that. You guys, it’s working! By so many of us talking about the elephant in the room, it’s helping others find the strength to get out and/or simply understand that what they’re living daily IS NOT love, it’s abuse. And by writing about it, it’s helping me heal, too. I know many think, “how can they NOT recognize they are being abused?” It’s a hard concept to understand for those who haven’t lived through it, especially when the abuse isn’t something that shows up as a bruise. When subtle manipulation and gas lighting techniques are used AFTER the euphoria of the love bombing stage is over, it’s hard to see clearly. You trusted who you THOUGHT they were and maybe they can get back to being that person. I know this first-hand. Looking back, it feels a lot like mind control/conditioning and that’s hard for me to even wrap my head around because I’ve always been an independent thinker and doer. Just this morning, I had one of those moments where I realized I actually got used to being put down and shamed for wanting to help others who have gone through similar stuff. Because of this, I started operating in survivalist/conditioned way of thinking. For example, I thought to myself if I don’t bring up that I’m helping a friend, then I won’t get put down for it. I’ll just do it but I won’t talk about it. This morning, the difference in my life then and now became really apparent when I was blown away by a text that Scott sent out of the blue in support of what I’m doing. He’s been so encouraging through it all but it really made me recognize that receiving his text was completely opposite of what I used to experience and allow. I attached a screenshot of his message to me below. My point in all of this is to say that by talking and writing about it, we are helping to create lighted pathways for others to find their way out. Now, I’m not saying everyone needs to talk about it—it’s something you will know in your heart if it’s right for you. All I’m saying is that the cloak of shame and fear that has kept all of this hidden for generations is starting to fray and unravel, thread by thread. I know personally, I still feel shame and fear but it’s not stopping me from talking about it all. I say we unravel the whole damn cloak, shall we?! |
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