Life has a weird way of taking you down roads you never thought you'd go. I've written about working on cold cases and and other types of police cases in this blog—something I never thought I'd do in a million years. In fact, when I was growing up, I wanted to be an ice skater. This stuff was NOWHERE in my view. I'm so grateful for the investigators who have taken me seriously (when I was guided to work with them in some way, shape, or form), and I'm so thankful I can now call them friends and mentors. I just received this letter today from Detective Mark Pucci. I am forever grateful—not just for his endorsement but for his belief in me, and for his support over the past four years.
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February 9, 2018 Kiersten, It was great to hear from you, and I am more than happy to provide you a with my personal endorsement, and I look forward to the time that we have the opportunity to work together again. Kiersten and I got to know one another when we each volunteered to work on a missing person's case in the NYC area. I knew the minute we started talking on the phone that Kiersten was the real deal. As the case progressed, I was blown away by the amount of detail she shared; it matched what I had in my hard-copy file. She was channeling all of this from 3,000 miles away without any tie to the case, or way to validate details. She had no stake in the case other than the drive to want to help her friend's friend whose loved one was missing. I have to say, as a retired NYPD Detective and the current Founder & Chief Investigator for: New York Private Detective Services, with over thirty years of crime solving experience, it is rare to find someone like Kiersten. She is truly one of a kind, and I'm honored to work with her. I truly believe she has a "very big purpose in this life . . . e that will help many people globally." All my best, Mark Pucci
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I’m just so grateful. Beyond grateful, to be exact. Since 2014, I have had a literal team of angels—here on earth and in spirit—around me, helping guide me through the experiences of the last four years. Regardless of whether or not these folks agreed with my choices, they were there for me. Always. Obviously, Scott is and has always been my protector, even when that meant he had to let go and have faith I would get through what he knew was mine to get through. No matter how angry he was at me, he still respected and loved me, and wanted me to be OK. He wanted me to be more than OK—for me, for our kids, for life in general, whether that meant we ended up back together or not. That’s true, unconditional love. Turns out, Hallmark doesn’t make cards that say, “Thanks for helping save my soul.” They should, though. And the card should have his photo on it. Scott, you are the best of the best humans on earth. And clearly, my #1 angel on earth. I love you beyond 5. In the same vein, I would also be handing out thank you cards to my dearest circle of family and friends-who-are-like-family who never gave up on me. They, too, knew that even if I was choosing the cycle of abuse that had become my life, it was because I wasn’t ready or strong enough to end it for good at that moment. Not that I never would be strong enough to end it. They all knew I would learn what I needed to learn, and become the person I’m becoming today. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for standing by me through thick and thin, and light and dark. Andy, Egan, Mom and Dad, Lorraine, Cindy B, Theresa B, Krista A, Janine, Caroline H, Kari, Ben, Stacey B, Ari, Cathy S, Katie H, Cami D, Maria Louisa, and Julie and Suzi. Your support, love, compassion, grace, wisdom, channeled messages, and sometimes “tough love” helped me find myself, again. I am eternally grateful and love you all, dearly. To my soul sisters in the land of “woo woo,” your messages, guidance, perfectly timed channeling was always taken very seriously, and even though it looked at times like I would never come out of it, your gifts helped me heal more than you will ever know. Yvette, Tracy W, Camilla, Cynthia, Necole, and Lynn B, I am in awe of your hearts, your intuition, and your foresight. Yvette, you and Jason—I just truly have no words to properly express my love and gratitude for you both. Yvette, I remember your son in spirit, Jason, pleading with me through you one night, saying, “Kiers, I died because of this type of drug (an analogy to a relationship in his life).” I could feel his desperation so many times and you both guided me out of the dark hole I was desperately trying to climb out of, yet scared to death to climb out of at the same time. I can’t wait to tell the whole story of the magnificent people you both are, and how we came into each other’s lives. Tracy, Camilla, Cynthia, Necole, and Lynn B—my mind is swimming with flashes of so many moments where you would reach out to me at the exact right moments I needed to hear a message, whether it be a channeled one from my grandmother who was kicking my ass while encouraging me to wake up and see the reality of the situation, or you were simply saying “there’s a bigger picture here than you can see now, Kiers. Keep trusting yourself.” Thank you, thank you, thank you. My heart is with you always. Tracy: http://www.creativeinsightnumerology.com Cynthia: http://reimaginethatblog.blogspot.com Necole: https://necolestephens.com To my wonderful therapists, Deanna Vance and Suzanne Botello—I know I was guided to you. Your heart, intuition, experience, and true belief in me is gift beyond what I ever thought possible. Again, you are angels on earth to so many, and I’m just one of the lucky ones who sat in your therapy chair sometimes twice a week. In the beginning, I was scared to death you would think I was crazy—and you didn’t. Just the opposite happened. You confirmed everything I was feeling and held my hand as I walked step-by-step out of the darkness (and sometimes backwards into the darkness.) You never judged. You made me think deeply and helped me honor all parts of myself. Thank you, for helping me find the light again, and teaching me ways to embrace my darkness, too. About Deanna Vance, LPC Deanna Vance is a Licensed a Professional Counselor at the New Leaf Wellness Building. She has over thirty years of experience in varied settings including Community Mental Health, Group Homes, Schools & Private Practice. Deanna specializes in Play Therapy which is a powerful & effective reparative approach for children. Trauma and Attachment problems have been her expertise. She also enjoys working with adolescents and adults. About Dr. Suzanne Botello, PhD, LPC, Psychologist I am a Licensed Professional Counselor in the Employee Assistance and Wellness Program at Northern Arizona University. I have a PhD in Counseling Psychology, and am a psychology resident, earning supervised work hours toward licensure. I work primarily with staff, faculty, and their families doing individual, group, and couples work. My life is most in balance when I am making art. Having my hands in clay or working in mixed media, using textiles, paper, fiber, old photos, and embellishments, I find myself again and again. My personal mission statement: I help people remember who they are through art, love, and sacred space. As one of my favorite writers, Glennon Doyle, says, “We can do hard things.” Talking about sex is a hard thing for me—and from what I can tell, for many childhood sexual abuse survivors. I want to talk about a few things as they relate to recovering from the initial trauma of childhood sexual abuse as well as realizations from an adult relationship that involved narcissistic abuse and what is finally now clear to me—a little something called the Madonna/Whore complex. Looking back, I can connect the dots pretty easily but it wasn’t until I fully understood that I was abused as a child. So that means for forty years, I had issues. For me, intimacy/sex was cloaked in shame. I couldn’t put my finger on it necessarily, but I was not the “I am comfortable in my skin—celebrate your woman-ness” girl. I was shy and rarely took the lead. I felt emotionally disconnected from the act and was incredibly modest throughout most of my life. Right before I started to experience flashbacks at age 40, I was even starting to have panic attacks during sex. Any weight on me would cause me to almost hyperventilate. I couldn’t figure out what was happening, but soon the flashbacks started and things came into focus. It was all starting to make sense, but sadly, I was also mistakenly projecting the feelings of being controlled/suffocated onto my husband. Then, all hell broke loose. I went down the rabbit hole with another man and a three-year separation from Scott. As happens in new relationships, everything felt new, different, and exciting. I wasn’t having panic attacks, and I wasn’t feeling suffocated. I was feeling euphoric, revered and free—like I was taking control of my own sexuality. Little did I know what was yet to come. Lisa E. Scott—author of The Path Forward—explains in her article, “Understanding the Narcissist’s Madonna/Whore Complex,” that narcissists have intimacy issues and cannot see their partner in a healthy way. She goes on to say that some narcissists are unable to see what most men dream of in a woman—someone who is both sweet and sexy at the same time. They cannot help categorizing people into one of two separate categories — saintly or sexy. They find it impossible to see someone as both. To them, someone is one or the other, but never both. This is what psychologists refer to as a Madonna-Whore Complex. I truly had no idea I was dealing with this for three years until messages started coming in from other women (after we split) regarding my ex. Specifically, one set of screenshots where—unbeknownst to me— he was plotting to meet up with a very sexually open woman in another state while living with me. In fact, she was the one to mention this Freudian concept to me and it helped me come to grips with what I endured, and what it meant. In the beginning, I was appealing to him because of the thrill of the chase. I was continually told I was the sexiest woman on the planet; however, over time, I certainly didn’t feel this way and I questioned him. Was he really just tired? Was I just not attractive to him anymore? The change in dynamic was very obvious, but he did a good job making me feel a.) it wasn’t real, and/or b.) if it was real, it was because I’d done something wrong. Being programmed to believe that I somehow caused my relative to rape me as a child, I just fell right back into that pattern of thinking I was at fault. If I were to step outside of the “good girl/nurturer” persona, i.e., being adventurous, playful, or leading the way, I would eventually be shamed for it. I, of course, took that on as mine—as if I’d done something wrong, not realizing he couldn’t see me as a sexual being and a nurturing love at the same time. Lisa E. Scott goes on to explain in her article, “They begin to view love as sexless, pure, and saintly; whereas sex is dirty and reserved for whores. If you are good to a narcissist, he eventually withdraws sexually from any type of intimate relationship you once had with him. It is inevitable in any long-term relationship with a narcissist. You become sexless.” It wasn’t until I started reading the messages coming in from multiple women around the world—where they mentioned risqué photos being sent to them by him and immediate talk of sexual acts and tantric massage—that I was the Madonna. It’s likely the reason I was shamed with, “you want men to come in the room, don’t you?” when I forgot to lock the door. As an abuse survivor who thought she was finally tackling her demons and shedding innate shame and insecurity around sex, you can imagine how devastating this was to endure. Just when I was starting to feel comfortable, I was, again, being shamed—and this time, by someone outside of me. It’s taken me this long—with the help of an amazingly supportive partner—to fully embody that there’s nothing wrong with me. I can be playful, sweet, and sexy all at the same time, and I will not be shamed for it. I will be honored and loved. And I will honor and love myself for all that I am. Phew. I did it! I like to think Glennon would be proud. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, which I will take to mean it was time. There are many gifts along this healing journey and reclaiming myself—body and soul—is definitely one of them. Back in June, I created a survey about childhood sexual abuse. Seventy-three survivors filled it out (THANK YOU!!) and validated what I have learned over the past four years, as a survivor who repressed the abuse I experienced.
Repression is real. It's common, especially in children. It's also widely controversial due to the "false memory" movement. Why is it important to even know this information? What does it matter? 1. The memories may be repressed/hidden but the subconscious brain is still "in the know" and driving the bus, so to speak. 2. The statute of limitations to prosecute varies by state. With that said, according to the National Center for Victims of Crime as published on ncsl.org, "nearly every state has a basic suspension of the statute of limitation ("tolling") for civil actions while a person is a minor. Many states have also adopted additional extensions specifically for cases involving sexual abuse of children. Extensions for filing civil actions for child sexual abuse are most often based upon the discovery rule—by the time the victim discovers the sexual abuse or the relationship of the conduct to the injuries, the ordinary time limitation may have expired. This "delayed discovery" may be due to emotional and psychological trauma and is often accompanied by repression of the memory of abuse. Child victims frequently do not discover the relationship of their psychological injuries to the abuse until well into adulthood -- usually during the course of psychological counseling or therapy. They may not even discover the fact of such abuse until they undergo such therapy." BUT NOT ALL STATES. "Alabama has no special statute of limitations. The Alabama Supreme Court has refused to adopt a discovery rule or any provision to repressed memory claims. Claims must be brought within 2 years of the date of the injury under Alabama Code § 6-2-38" Let's look at the survery results that support REPRESSION IS REAL.... (Please click the READ MORE button on the right to read more....) |
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